I have been stunned this past week to see my community in the news for something negative: bullying. When criminal charges were brought against several local students who are accused of harassing a young woman who tragically took her own life, the case was propelled into the national media. This child was the victim of relentless, horrible bullying by her schoolmates, and the resulting tragedy has shocked our community. A story like this hits home to many people who might easily imagine their own child falling victim to such violence and cruelty, or perhaps they remember their own high school days and the culture of meanness that can allow children to treat others violently, whether psychological or physical.
Since it’s the also the second tragic death of a youth in our community under these circumstances, it inspires a uniquely strong sense of helplessness and anger. These emotions have welled up since the charges were brought against the youths involved, and it has provoked a round of finger pointing at the adults who may have been aware of what was happening, but who may not have done what was needed to intervene before it was too late.
My heart goes out to the parents and friends of the Prince family. I can not even imagine how it must be for them to have their daughter’s personal tragedy become fuel for the media. I do hope this story inspires parents everywhere to have the challenging discussions that must happen with our children about ahisma (non-violence in word or deed.)
Typically, I practice ahisma with my children in small ways that are easy to talk about. We try to not smoosh spiders who visit our house; instead we kindly remove them to the outdoors. We work to reduce or eliminate play that involves pretend violence, even though they love those light sabers! I have my two young boys sit back to back when brotherly disputes turn physical. Once they are seated back to back, we engage in active listening that allows them to slow down the cycle of wanting to whack someone and forces them to hear each others side of the dispute. This often works like a charm to diffuse the situation.There is something magic about having to sit close to someone so you can hear them and feel their breath moving. It just makes you less angry.
I know that it is easy for violence to creep into all our lives. It may be easier to fight against this force when our children are young, but I still do worry about what happens when my boys leave home for school or sports. I think that Phoebe’s story reminds us that you have to practice awareness EVERY day of how violence affects and what we can do to stop it.
